Story Time! The Worst dates I have been on.

I'm so lucky to be happily married, but that didn't come easily! Like a lot of us, I  had to meet a bunch of frogs before I found my prince. Thought I would give you a few stories about the losers. And if you're single, don't worry, all of your married friends had their share of bad dates. So get yourself a beverage, adult if you're feeling saucy, and let's get to it! I'm not using names to protect the not so innocent but if you remember who these people are please don't say their names. This has been forever ago and is just for laughs. These are in no particular order. I know my husband is going to love reading these because it makes him look like a hero.


The You Want to Watch a "Movie"


I think you can tell from the title where this one is going. He invited me to what I thought was a movie date. He picked a date and time and said he would come to my dorm room. Now I know what you're thinking, Jess you should know what that meant. But I was young, only 20 so give me a break. He lived in the same dorm as me so I thought he was just coming to pick me up. He shows up with a backpack filled with booze and some DVDs. From the smell of his breath, I could tell he had already pregamed. He came in and sat on my couch and said what movie you want to see. I said "This is your idea of a date?" He said "yes". I decided maybe I should just give him a chance. (I had been single for awhile) We started a movie and then he was on me like hair on a biscuit. I hit him and said "you need to leave right now."  Can you believe he was surprised I didn't like his date.

The Movie parking lot breakup date

So this was just sad. I thought I was just going on a movie date with my High school Boyfriend but apparently he was just taking me to the parking lot to break up with me. I remember him talking and I was thinking we are going to miss the previews and I love previews until I noticed his tone. You see, sometimes he would just be complaining about something so I didn't always "listen". Then I was like "wait, are you breaking up with me?" and he said "well yes but do you still want to watch the movie." Seriously! Couldn't we just have done this over the phone or through a note like normal teenagers. For you kids out there, this was before texting and facebook. We had only a few ways to break up. Notes in a lockers was the most popular then it went phone, and face to face.

The Football Guy Date

Again we go back to high school where I was a senior and on the drill team. I was invited to go out on a date after the game. I didn't have a car so he said he would pick me up. We couldn't sit together during the game because I sat with the band so when I saw him it was right after the game. Now I had a little trouble recognizing him because half of his body was painted blue and the other gold (our school colors). Not what I was expecting, but I said to myself it's is a free meal. He took me to the ever romantic Denny's  restaurant. It was the most awkward meal ever and then it got worse. When he walked me to my door, I guess he got a different impression of the date and went in for the kiss. It was not good (the classic teeth kiss, I know!)  I also had some of his wonderful paint to remember him by.

The "you want to go to a party with me" Date


I know I wasn't so street smart at 19, but I also thought when someone asked you to a party date that you would actual hang out with them at the party. This guy told me he was the DD and he was driving his friends so when he picked me up it was a full car.  I was stuck smooshed in the backseat with three other people I didn't know. When we get out of the car, he holds my hand and we walked in together. It was crowded, he saw someone he knew and said he would be right back. That was the last I saw him that night. I'm in a strange house with people I don't know and the guy I came with left and went into another room with some friends. I figured he would come looking for me sooner than later. He never did. I guess he had more people to pick up or something. Minutes turn to hours and I think I'm stuck at this house without a way home. This is before Uber people! I decide to look all over the house and see if I can find someone I knew. Would't you know it luck was on my side and I was able to get a ride back to my dorm.

The Birthday "Date" 


So another sad break up story and I know what you are thinking, I'm a delight! What are these guys thinking? But I guess some people just can't be around awesome. Anyway, this "Prince Frog" asks me to come over to his house around 11:30pm. (he didn't have a car) We were home on college break and we happen to live close to each other. I remember we had been fighting and I figured he was going to apologize to me because of course "he was wrong." The date happened to be July 23rd, the day before my birthday. So he starts off not letting me into his home and wants to talk on the porch. Like I'm going to freak out or something. When he finally finishes his breakup speech, I'm pissed because now it's my birthday and I realized I have no plans for it since I was suppose to spend it with him. I mention all this out loud just because I'm upset. I say I can't believe you are doing this on my Birthday and my mom had this dinner for me and you and I were suppose to go out afterwards. The look on his face showed he completely forgot about my Birthday. He said he was still going to come to the dinner. I laughed at him and said ok sure and left. Wouldn't you know it he showed up, with a gift. A certificate to bath and body works dated that day for $35. I think he was hoping I would blow up on him and kick him out of my house. It took everything in me not to freak out. I decided it would be my Birthday present to myself, making him very very very uncomfortable. I do kinda admire that he stayed. That took guts to have an awkward dinner with my whole family.  He made it  all the way through to the cake. I mean, it was ice cream cake so I get it.

Hope you enjoyed this story time Blog. It was a lot of fun for me to look back and see how far I have come. I regret none of these experiences because they have helped shape me into the woman you see today.