The" Me Too" Movement. What Should I Say To My Son?

I think this movement is something that has been a long time coming. All of us women, and even men, have had a time in our lives were we either witnessed or have been personally affected by sexually harassment or assault. Raising a son, my husband and I feel as if we have a huge responsibility in teaching him how to treat women and shatter the stereotype that "boys will be boys." I'm raising a man who I know will do great things, as long as we give him the tools for success.

My Story

br /> I'd like to start off with briefly telling you about my story. Now this is not something that many people know, but some people who went to high school with me may think that they know. Just going to give you the short version but, the main point is how it changed me into the woman I am today. I was 17, senior in high school and there was a boy 18 sitting in front of me in English class who would constantly bother me. He would say vulgar things that he wanted to do to me and call me at my house (there was heavy breathing involved). Now, I think he thought this was flirting but to me it was disgusting so I just turned him down as nicely as I could and moved my seat. I thought I had it handled and all was good until the day he put his hands on me. I think he thought it was funny, like giving me a wedge. He put his hands down my pants inside my underwear (cupped my behind) and and then pulled my underwear up. I was so upset I looked around behind me and no one saw it because the bell had rung and it was the last class of the day. I never told anyone what happened because I figure there was nothing I could do and there was only a few weeks left of school and I could just tough it out.

I really told no one until the one day he made one of his comments while I was walking in the hallway with my friend. I decided to confide in her and figure she would respect my wishes and not say anything, But she didn't and turned him in. I had to go to the office and face the Disciplinary Dean.  This is where the point of the story really starts to take shape, specifically how my situation was handled by this man.  The Dean, who also happened to be the football coach, called me into his office.  There, where my parents were not present nor another woman, I received an "apology" from the A-hole.  BUT, it was described to me as a "misunderstanding." I was told that I was not allowed to tell anyone what happened and that this would not leave this room or there would be consequences.

I decided that if I was going to get a fake apology he was going to have to say out loud what he did. He said giving wedges was something he did to all of his girl friends and he was sorry if it upset me. I was sent on my way feeling as if I did something wrong. The next day, the entire school heard what happened because he bragged about it.  Another fifteen girls accused him of harassment in the days to follow. I was a hero to some and vilified by other classmates who thought I made it up and got all these women come forward. You see, I was "upset" that he didn't want to date me. I bet you can guess who started that rumor.

What has this taught me?

As I look back at it, my biggest problem is not just with how the problem was handled but also who was involved.  In my scenario, those people were suppose to protect me and my fellow students.  Instead, they tried to sweep it under the rug and tried tell me that it was a misunderstanding.  For me, this incident has made me stand up for myself. I was never going to let anyone do that to me again. I have since had moments and things have happened, but I look that person in the eye and say you need to stop. For others that is not the case and their whole lives are left in ruin and a destructive path continues in their future. Now do I think that football player is a bad person who should be locked up? No, he has been taught that "boys will be boys" and that some women are just sensitive.

Now what's the solution?

I truly believe that the solution to most problems is education. Our education plan will start with how we speak of young girls. He will learn how he is to treat a woman with just as much respect as he treats his own mother. His father and I are his first example. Instead of asking him if he thinks girls are pretty we will ask if they are nice or smart. I plan to teach my son that he's never to put his hands on someone without their permission, and no one's allowed to touch him without his permission. He'll know that words can hurt just as bad if not more than fists. If someone is doing something that he doesn't like, he should tell them to stop immediately. If he see's a man behaving like a "boy," he's going to be taught to stop it and go up to the person who is affected and say are you okay? I just saw what happened and that's not right.

It's our job to teach boys to become men and not stay boys. It starts with how we as parents speak about his girls who are friends. When there's something that happens at school, it has to be taken seriously. There has to be a safe place where victims can feel heard and those young boys can be taught what's right.  It's our job as parents, educators and human beings to say this behavior is not okay and it starts with our sons.