Our Crazy Parenting Style. How Does One Raise Their Kids Now?

There are so many books and so much advice from family on how to raise and parent your kids. At the end of the day, it's ultimately up to you and your spouse or co-parents responsibility to decide what works best for you and your children. This post is all about what my husband and I have decided to do and so far it seems to work for our family. We're totally going to do some things wrong, but we're very proud of the outcome with our amazing son Jax. All we can do is our best. I still feel most days he looks at us like, "You people have no idea what you are doing, do you?"


1. He is a little person and his feelings are important!

First, we decided we would always view our son as a person with fundamental rights. Now I'm not saying he dictates what happens on the daily, (we follow typical mommy law) but we do have his feelings in mind. When he's upset, it usually means he's frustrated with something. We notice his distress and ask him if we can help. He usually calms down and points to what he needs help getting or opening. Most of the time, his fit is based on a need that I can't understand or that he's having trouble expressing.



2. We reward good behavior.

If he uses good manners and says please when he asks for something, I usually give it to him. There have a been a few times it's been a cookie for breakfast, so that was a hard no! But I did thank him for being polite and that he would get one when it was time for a cookie. Bad behavior we warn him that if he does it again, there will be a consequence (the toy is mine or we're leaving are our most common). I always follow through with my threat. I am a Mommy of my word. If he doesn't ask for something nicely, we don't give it to him. I just say "is that how we ask for something? You will not get it until you ask me nicely." So far this is working but we're still in the twos. Right now he still likes us.

3. We teach him as much as he wants.

We believe in not forcing him to do things until he is ready to do them. Jax was a late walker, not until right around 15 months and then it was like he was running. He also didn't talk a whole lot but I noticed that he liked to use hand signals. So that is how we would communicate. I just introduce him to things like letters, numbers, shapes, colors and see what he likes. I'm very proud of how this has turned out because my son now knows all of his letters (upper and lowercase), numbers 1 to 10 and handful of shapes and colors. Meaning, we can write a letter or number and he will tell us what it is! He also can recognize and spell his own name (with the help of magnet letters) because it's short. He enjoys learning and doing school so we do it. If he wants to start learning to read instead of potty training, we'll do that. I have learned that he will let me know when he is ready to learn.

4. Sharing doesn't mean taking.

Going on play dates with other kids, I'm starting to see that some kids are mistaking sharing for taking. Meaning that they can have a toy that someone else is playing with if they just say you need to share. With Jackson, I'm teaching him that if someone else is playing with a toy, he has to ask to either play with them or when they are done with that toy.  I don't think anyone should have to give up what they have just in the name of sharing. When another kid comes up to my kid and wants a toy, Jax usually just gives it to them. His nature is to always be kind, but I do worry that others will take advantage of this. We're very lucky that we've been able to keep him out of the tough streets of daycare. My fellow Moms tell me not to worry, and soon enough, he'll learn how to stand up for himself.

5. Being Angry is okay

I think we sometimes confuse anger as a form of bad behavior but I don't believe it to be. Don't we all get to a point that we need to let off a little steam? When he becomes too frustrated we try and redirect. We take the item or object out of eyesight, and start a different activity.  If that doesn't work or if Jax starts to get frustrated, I hand him a pillow off the couch and encourage him to hit it. I usually do it with him and say something with it like,  "I am so mad my Mommy will not let me throw my toy!" And then I hit the pillow, he usually stops the crying/screaming and hits the pillow and starts to feel better. I try not to treat anger with anger. He is going to get upset with me and I shouldn't take it personally.

I really want to enjoy my son but also raise him right. I feel like we have an extra responsibility when it comes to teaching our son. On how to treat women, people that are lease fortunate, different races, and different religion. We also worry how we are going to explain to him the way of the world today, where different views can bring on hate. The reason I take this so seriously is because I know that he is special and is meant to do great things. Every night when I say my prayers I ask God "To help me to teach him all the things he needs to be the man you want him to be. "